Dwarves: A “Short” Story

Every Tuesday, we chortle in sadistic glee as Varialyta attempts to compress a complex story into 500 words or less for the consumption of the Ritalin generation. This week’s topic: Dwarves

Dwarves have what I think is one of the more interesting of origins.  When the Titans came to Azeroth and began nurturing life and structuring the landmasses, they created mechanical servants out of the planet’s stone to aid them in their work.  These servants are called earthen.  These creatures can still be found scattered here and there throughout the world–in fact, I bumped into a few big ones in northern Storm Peaks the other day when I fell off my mount (long story, don’t ask). Continue reading

Posted in Lore in 500 Words or Less | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Simple Question/Simple Answer

HAY I AM LVL 22 WERE DO I GO 2 LVL NOW??????

If you’re actually typing like that, you deserve to have your hands submerged in liquid nitrogen until they’re frozen solid, and have them shattered by smashing them against your head repeatedly. 

If you’re not typing like that, then there’s probably hope left for you.  When questing pre-4.0, there was very little that would guide you to the next appropriate questing zone.  Never again!  Now quests will leave “bread crumbs” so that you know which zone is your next target.  It is highly advised you follow up these quests, because Blizzard had some idea of what they were doing when they made them this time.

If you don’t like the zone you’ve been sent to, or are stubborn, and don’t want to do the quest, there is yet hope!  In every capitol city there is what is called the “Warchief’s Command Board,” which will give you a quest to go to the starting area of a zone that is within your level range.  If you’re ever confused on where to go, just take a look there, and you’ll be good to go!

Once you’re 80, you can go to the new Cataclysm zones, Mount Hyjal and Vashj’ir.  After that, follow the bread crumbs!

Posted in Simple Questions/Simple Answers | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bad Idea Friday: Naming Your Character

Bad Idea Fridays are dedicated to the idea that if you’re going to do something (no matter how ill advised), it’s best to do it properly. Any and all consequences of following the advice in this article can be blamed on Poras.

Naming a new character can be an exercise in frustration even for the lazy. Most of the names the Random Name Generator gives you are already taken. The gold spammers have already taken the “mash your fist on the keyboard a couple times” names. The bar is raised even higher for those who are actively seeking to violate the ToS, since Blizzard has previously found and banned many of the names that come to mind. But with the right combination of knowledge and ingenuity you too can come up with a name that will shock and awe trade chat with your utter disregard of Blizzard’s naming rules. Continue reading

Posted in Bad Idea Friday | 1 Comment

Definition of the Week: ToS

Every Thursday, we try to forcibly educate the WoW populace about frequently misunderstood and/or misused terminology. We may not see results yet, but our children’s children will tell the tale of the heroes who valiantly stood up for vocabulary and proper spelling. It is for them that we persevere.

ToS stands for terms of service. It is very literally the rules for World of Warcraft. It is very rarely that a week goes by and I don’t see or hear someone who has very clearly not read them who is convinced they know the contents of them. So I will summarize a few main points.

Continue reading

Posted in Definition of the Week | Leave a comment

Storytime! Gamon

Every Wednesday, a self-absorbed writer posts an article of virtually no interest to anyone but themselves, under the vague catchall of “Storytime!”

Once upon a time there was a young tauren named Gamon who spent his time in the inn in Orgrimmar. From time to time, sneaky rogues would come by and pickpocket him. But that was all right because he had an endless supply of keys.

But some of the rogues started killing him after they pickpocketed him. Those darn rogues! Then other players who were just passing by would kill him, for the lulz. Gamon’s life became and endless procession of corpse runs.

Continue reading

Posted in Storytime! | 1 Comment

Alliance or Horde? Horde or Alliance?

Every Tuesday, we chortle in sadistic glee as Varialyta attempts to compress a complex story into 500 words or less for the consumption of the Ritalin generation. This week’s topic: Factions

So, here you are, about to roll your first character.  You need to pick a gender, a class, and a race.  Maybe you like a particular race for its look.  Maybe you’ve already chosen a class you like, and you’ve spent hours researching each race’s special abilities and have decided which ones fit best for your class and play-style.  But maybe you’re staring at that character-creation screen thinking “gee, I have no idea what I want to be.”  That’s where I found myself when I first “rolled a toon.”

Continue reading

Posted in Lore in 500 Words or Less | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Simple Questions/Simple Answers

Every Monday, we answer a basic question about the game using as few words as possible. Send questions for next Monday here.

Question : What’s the best gear/weapon I can use for leveling?

Answer: Heirloom gear/weapons.  The easiest way for new players to obtain this gear is by joining a guild.  Patch 4.0.3a introduces cloak and helm as part of the new Guild Leveling/Rewards system. They have a 10% experience boost from quests and kills and stack with all other Heirloom items.

Posted in Simple Questions/Simple Answers | Tagged , , | Leave a comment