Bad Idea Friday: Buying Gold

Bad Idea Fridays are dedicated to the idea that if you’re going to do something (no matter how ill advised), it’s best to do it properly. Any and all consequences of following the advice in this article can be blamed on Poras.

Cataclysm is upon us! The perfect time to start playing WoW and show the world your inherent awesomeness when you roll your worgen druid named Cuddles. You’ve been playing about fifteen minutes, when a problem occurs. You’re out of bag space.

What a stupid game. Who wants to be held back by limited bag space.

Before deleting your character and quitting the game, you are sure to proclaim loudly in general chat how bad this game sucks and how everyone else is an idiot for playing. Most of the replies you get are clearly from Blizzard fanboys who tell you to quit the game. (You were already, suckers!) But one reasonable person whispers you telling you to go buy more bags off the auction house.

So you make your way to Stormwind to check out this auction house. There are indeed lots of bags on the auction house. However, they’re all 75 gold, and you have 7 silver. Someone posted a couple six slot bags for 3 silver each, but that’s clearly ridiculous. Cuddles deserves nothing less than the best!

Browsing further into the auction house, you discover that not only are there bags, but there’s gear too. Cuddles can be decked out in the finest Azeroth has to offer for the mere price of a few hundred gold. There’s vanity pets too, and some cooking recipes that you should probably buy since eventually Cuddles will be a vegetarian chef.

Clearly you need gold, and lots of it. You start running around Stormwind whispering people asking for gold. They’re all much higher level than you so can definitely spare some. They’re very rude in response, telling you to go quest. One person gives you 1g, which clearly isn’t even close to enough for what you need. When you point that out to him, he seems to get very irritated. People are so rude these days.

But then you get a whisper. A nice person by the name of awsst wants to sell you some gold. He offers you 5000g for a very reasonable price. This is what you’re talking about. When he directs you to the website, you recognize the name. Some dead mages were spelling out the address with their corpse outside the auction house. What clever advertising. This is clearly an organization you can trust.

So you go to the website and give them your credit card info and buy the gold. You buy 10,000 gold and pat yourself on the back for being cleverer than all those other scrubs who are questing for gold.

Two days later, you get a call from your bank asking if you would like to buy overdraft protection, since you have withdrawn more funds than you have. Confused, you take a look at your bank account to discover that someone has stolen your credit card info and made large amounts of electronic purchases for the last two days. What a terrible bank. They can’t even protect you from theft. You inform the bank that you will be transferring your account to a bank that actually does their job.

You then call Blizzard to inform them that you’ll be paying with a new bank account, but the rep on the phone informs you it’s unnecessary, since your account has been banned for violating the Terms of Service.

What a terrible game. You didn’t even want to play anyway.

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