Every Wednesday, a self-absorbed writer posts an article of virtually no interest to anyone but themselves, under the vague catchall of “Storytime!”
Once upon a time there was a young tauren named Gamon who spent his time in the inn in Orgrimmar. From time to time, sneaky rogues would come by and pickpocket him. But that was all right because he had an endless supply of keys.
But some of the rogues started killing him after they pickpocketed him. Those darn rogues! Then other players who were just passing by would kill him, for the lulz. Gamon’s life became and endless procession of corpse runs.
Gamon tried to be optimistic. He tried to be a good Horde, even going so far as to try to attack death knights entering the city. Yet all he ever got was mockery.
Then Father Blizzard noticed Gamon’s plight, and smiled upon him. He made Gamon bigger and stronger. Now people could not kill Gamon in one hit. Gamon could defend himself from the capricious whims of passing players.
This change did not deter these players however. They formed groups to kill Gamon and laugh at his broken corpse. It was a sad day for Gamon. All he ever wanted was to be left alone.
But Father Blizzard did not forget Gamon this time. They gave him a new axe with which to tear down these cruel players. It is time Gamon. The next time a player tangles with you, you can now one shot them as they one shot you for all those years. You can now make their life an endless corpse run.
Reclaim your pride and dignity Gamon! You fight for the oppressed, the downtrodden, the underdogs of WoW! It is time to stand against oppression and show the world that some people still fight for justice. Show them what being Horde is really about.
(P.S. Dear Blizzard: Please make Gamon part of the Deathwing fight. kthxbai)